(no subject)

[vyvyanx]

Yesterday G's interview seemed to go well, so we're waiting to hear from them in keen anticipation. In the evening we went to Stevenage for a meal to celebrate G's Nanta's birthday, which was nice. The conversation, about smoking, crime, the media and ultimately pornography, got rather intense and vigorous as people drank more, and I tried to keep my head down and not get involved. It's hard to know how to interpret arguments/discussions among other people's families. My parents used to argue with each other in a very hostile way when I was little, which I hated; as I grew older, I found myself arguing more and more with my father about politics, personal freedom, the environment, linguistics etc. in a moderately rational way (though still often leading to shouting and bad feeling) and this seemed to stand me in good stead when I came to university, and managed to have interesting discussions about issues with people who wouldn't lose their tempers or change the ground rules of the argument. My geek circle in particular tend to have a lot of vigorous discussions of "issues" which I find more interesting than general social chitchat. However, the tension between my father and me persisted whenever I went home, with arguments that teetered on the edge of goodwill usually springing up within an hour of me walking in the door. And I remember one Christmas dinner being utterly spoilt by a furious row between my father and my then-partner IWJ about Mao Zedong. So I'm a little uneasy about arguments within families, especially if you don't really know people's boundaries or triggers or topics to be avoided.
And yet I do like having serious discussions with my friends; it just rarely seems to happen these days. Most people I've met more recently seem averse to "formal" argument, or feel it is pointless if one isn't actually in a policy-making role, or interpret any kind of disagreement or questioning of viewpoints as a personal attack. I seem to spend so much of my time in social situations not feeling able to say anything, for one reason or another.