(no subject)

Read most of Raft until just before 7, when I was supposed to meet A. Went and found him; we walked to APU, where the beer festival was taking place. Drank many nice beers and ciders, including "Blake's Heaven" at 7% :-) Saw two of the organisers who I know; also assorted friends, including Adrian, who used to do my subject when we were undergrads. I once asked him out, and he turned me down. He was sarky and cynical as ever; we bitched at each other ceaselessly and not entirely amicably. Talked to L, who was working at the festival; seemed to determine that she doesn't hate me after all, now I've split up with D (I thought she might, since they're friends).
Also saw deeply annoying teenage guy W, who I know from various goth contexts. Somehow, I got drunk enough, and lacking enough self-respect, to go and pick him up at the end of the evening. His friend ?? got a taxi to take us and another guy to ??'s place, where he put on Pink Floyd and gave us G&Ts. W and I chatted vaguely about music, then began snogging, and W said he wanted to go and chat on the stairs. So we got up and went out. W led me upstairs to ??'s spare room. I said, "This isn't the stairs". W said, "So?" I said, "Whatever", and so we screwed. Then W passed out, and I got dressed again and went downstairs to ask ?? whereabout in Cambridge we actually were. Apparently in Hurst Park Road, off Milton Road. So I set off, and when I hit Milton Road began walking along it in a daze. After 15 minutes, I realised I was walking in the wrong direction.
Eventually, got back to college. Was so cold I couldn't type for about half an hour. My life is screwed up atm.

(no subject)

Nothing, nothign, there is void, void, and notihing. Everything is emptiness, and nothing means anything.
I go to the beer festival, I drink and drink. I see many of my friends, we chat about various things. I see W, he is friendly, although he said in his lj last night that he disliked me. He tried to pick me up again. I learn that my friend V is going out with S now.
AFterwards, a few of us run back to the KSR, trying to make it before it shuts. There, O (who I once slept with) buys me a drink. I drink half of it. I see G. I go over and chat. I ask about his life and talk about mine. He says, "I don't want to hate you, you know". I say, "That's not what I'm trying to do, really". Then I say, "is this really what you want?" He says, "What?" and murmurs a bit about stuff I can't quite hear.
I say, "Did you really want to split up with me?" Then we chat, horribly and devastatingly, for a while, as he tells me he never loved me at all, never cared for me at all, doesn't know why he tried for me in the first place, only ever fancied AML in the first place anyway, what does it fucking matter, none of it matters at all, fuck it anyway i dont care i want to kill myself