Feb. 4th, 2002

vyvyanx: (Default)
So, yeah, Saturday afternoon we went and got black tie for G. I paid for it, as he was my guest (it came to L50, dammit!), then I went home and had a bath, and G went to look for people at the KSR. He came back shortly, though, saying no one was there. So we spent some time getting ready, and then went to the Old Kitchens for drinks before the feast. Met A and his guest H. A is seeing someone! I'm so pleased; can't wait to meet the guy at A's party. Apparently, he's a boatie lawyer, but I'm sure he has his good points :-)
Meal was very nice; I sat next to someone's guest, a freelance tea taster, of all things, and opposite OR, another JRF who I know vaguely, who also needs to find a job at the end of this year. And of course next to G, who was next to MP on his other side, a most amusing maths don, a real reprobate, who spent much of the feast advising G of how to maximise the amount of alcohol he got given! G seemed to like the guy a lot. Afterwards we went up to the Combination Room, where G smoked a very expensive cigar, and we chatted more to A and H. I tried to allay A's doubts about me seeing G again.
Afterwards, G was in a slightly odd mood, but of the sort I can cope with, since it was just caused by lots of alcohol, not Pro-Plus or other kinds of mind-altering substances. G says he won't take Pro-Plus any more as it makes him too difficult to deal with; I think this is a good idea.
Yesterday, slept in late, but not as late as G! Eventually, we walked over to his house, where I played a bit of Diablo on L's new computer with his dodgy mouse (which made it very hard) while G tried to sort out Half Life on his computer, but eventually realised he'd lost the disk and the key. We ate garlic bread and scrambled eggs (!) and read the hilarious LotR livejournals. Also read a lot; G finished my copy of Rama 2 and started Timelike Infinity; I read Ring. I'm on a real Baxter jag atm; he's very Clarke-like and absorbing. Then I went to sleep, and G sat up playing Max Payne as he wasn't sleepy.
This morning, discovered that G hadn't gone to bed at all, but sat up all night playing games and then reading in the living room downstairs. This morning, unsurprisingly perhaps, he felt extremely ill, and hasn't gone to work again. He was supposed to be seeing the doctor today, but forgot to make an appointment. Oh dear. Still, I'm going to post his application form for another job soon, and also our cottage booking form for Whitby. Whitby! Yeay!
When I got back to college today, I had to go and return the suit to Moss Bros, and also spent some time looking up citations of SF words for this site: http://www.jessesword.com/SF/sf_citations.shtml Found three cites for things they still need evidence for: corpsicles, flitter and teleporter. Amusing.
God, I have so much admin stuff to sort out, and I really don't want to do it.
vyvyanx: (Default)
Why do I feel so strangely bleak? I read a couple of stories D wrote on a local writers' list; the second one was apparently about the state of his mind, in a metaphorical way. I barely understood what it meant, what he meant by it. Some parts, I wondered whether they referred to our relationship (the nature of communication, for example), and I even wondered if one character in the story corresponded to me. But it probably wasn't; it was probably his first girlfriend, or someone I don't even know. Why should I imagine that I in particular meant anything to him? I never really knew what he meant, or thought, or wanted; I don't think he ever knew much about me either, and I'm not sure it was that important to him anyway.
Why do I care? It's not like I regret some course of action I took; I don't regret breaking up with him; I don't regret getting together with him in the first place; I don't regret the year we lived together, difficult though it was. I don't think there were other, obviously better courses of action we could have taken at the time. Perhaps, what I regret, is that I never had a moment of insight into him; I never really knew what was going on in his mind at all.
How strange it all is. How strange life is.

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