(no subject)
Sep. 26th, 2002 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vyvyanxI am not sure what to do. My father rang this afternoon (very unusual for him) to talk about giving us his spare air miles for the honeymoon. Like I said before, they've both suddenly started being very nice and helpful and generous about the wedding. I even managed to extract from my father today some small hint as to what their original objection to G was (he said that when they first met him in March, he looked "unkempt" and "talked of strange things" (guns, mostly)). That's not my problem. Rather, he said today, "Isn't there something else you want to ask me to do?" I said, "Um, I don't think so." "Don't you want me to give you away?"
And this is the thing. When he said that, I said, "I guess, if you want." And he said, "Well, I definitely don't want anyone else to do it!" I said, "I was kind of thinking of just going in on my own, you know." "Oh no, I'll do it, of course." "Um, ok, if you want to."
But when he rang off I found I felt very uncomfortable about the idea. It's not really that we've been on quite bad terms about this whole marriage thing for the last few months; I suspect I would feel rather uneasy about being "given away" even if they'd both been ecstatic about G from the word go. I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe it just seems antiquated, or unfeminist, or something. I really feel I'd rather just walk in on my own terms - it is _me_ getting married, after all; it is _my_decision_, and not something arranged by my father, for heaven's sake! And how can he "give me away" when I've been supporting myself for years anyway?
So, like I say, I feel troubled about the idea. But it may well really offend my dad to say this to him, especially since I already said yes, and especially since he's suddenly being all generous and offering us lots of help with the wedding. And in effect, it's just a tradition, like wearing rings or having a best man or throwing confetti - it doesn't have to really _mean_ anything. It's not as though our ceremony text will contain any reference to "Who giveth this woman...?" anyway.
Still, we haven't felt especially bound by other traditions. We aren't getting married in a church, since we aren't religious; we both got each other engagement rings; I certainly shan't be promising to obey G :-)
Oh, this thing goes round and round in my head. I suspect in the end I shall tell my father I'd rather walk up the aisle (well, gangway, really, in the Registry Office) on my own.
And this is the thing. When he said that, I said, "I guess, if you want." And he said, "Well, I definitely don't want anyone else to do it!" I said, "I was kind of thinking of just going in on my own, you know." "Oh no, I'll do it, of course." "Um, ok, if you want to."
But when he rang off I found I felt very uncomfortable about the idea. It's not really that we've been on quite bad terms about this whole marriage thing for the last few months; I suspect I would feel rather uneasy about being "given away" even if they'd both been ecstatic about G from the word go. I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe it just seems antiquated, or unfeminist, or something. I really feel I'd rather just walk in on my own terms - it is _me_ getting married, after all; it is _my_decision_, and not something arranged by my father, for heaven's sake! And how can he "give me away" when I've been supporting myself for years anyway?
So, like I say, I feel troubled about the idea. But it may well really offend my dad to say this to him, especially since I already said yes, and especially since he's suddenly being all generous and offering us lots of help with the wedding. And in effect, it's just a tradition, like wearing rings or having a best man or throwing confetti - it doesn't have to really _mean_ anything. It's not as though our ceremony text will contain any reference to "Who giveth this woman...?" anyway.
Still, we haven't felt especially bound by other traditions. We aren't getting married in a church, since we aren't religious; we both got each other engagement rings; I certainly shan't be promising to obey G :-)
Oh, this thing goes round and round in my head. I suspect in the end I shall tell my father I'd rather walk up the aisle (well, gangway, really, in the Registry Office) on my own.
